And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
