you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
