whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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