I just cut my nipple shaving
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
