No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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