Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
