I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
