Do you still have your period?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
