I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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