Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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