I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
