If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
