she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
