So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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