if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
