Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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