So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
