I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
