If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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