At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
