weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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