After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
