Whod you bang
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
