when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Everything about him screamed your future.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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