Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
