Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you never un-have a 4some
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
