Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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