she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
