We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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