can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm like, not good at living.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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