she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
