I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
