Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
