Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
