The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
