If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
