We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
