I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
