go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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