dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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