I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
