i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
