dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
