I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
