Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
