So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
