If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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