it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
