I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
