SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
