Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
